Blog... The Final Frontier

So... Less than a day to go and I certainly won't fall asleep typing this one. READ IT ALL.

No list tonight but one thing: shoes.

I am at that point that I hate Hate HATE!! As a director I must wash my hands of everything. This show is no longer mine. This show has been stepped on, disrespected, mangled, questioned, challenged, threatened, ignored, and abused. I have been hated, loved, maligned, trusted, disrespected ignored, questioned, pushed away,... and, of cour, I've been wrong. SCREW THAT: IT'S MINE. IT IS WHAT I WANT. From the intense cast to the intense music to the intense light to the intense costume (who cares if it maKES sENSE; IT'S GOOD!!) All of it comes from my BLOGGING brain-- from the pit of my stomach. Screw passivity, screw moping, screw the norm, to hell with the way the world is, with or without including the ARTS. Normal behavior makes people outcast, prisoners, vagabonds, dope fiends, lazy, ignorant. I will do what I need to an settle for pigheaded, stubborn, egotistical, proud, and insensitive to prevent the norm from becoming the rule. I am not afraid of any of this shit (there's that profane. I will take a gamble to get what I need. I need to show the audience of this show that this is one of th-- SCREW THAT, THESE KIDS ARE THE BEST. I have grown to love them all dearly for different reason even when they hate me. (and yes, I have been called all of those things within the last year and all by people whom I hold in very high regard.)

I pray my cast needs the same. We always have the opportunity to do more than THE JOB. This has been the work. This is not for a paycheck (It ain't that big!) and it ain't about just hanging out (there's so little you can acheive on 3 or for ten-minute breaks). This is for justification. A performer should be able to say this both parts of this sentence without hesitation: I've worked harder than I'm used to and I have grown in some way. If s/he can't then said person didn't want to finish the journey. Honestly, I can't tell yet if they all want it and it makes me want to weep. I saw glimpses and HUGE moments of amazing development, from the spritely Vivian's amazing power to start the show (though she could go farther) to Jessica's OBVIOUS virtuosity of the stage, to Brian's sick control and admittedly refreshing, though not surprising power of his solo, to Sarah and Laura's intensity (almost there!!) in TOJ, and Nebi's simple knowledge of his craft and attention to detail. Courtney's ability to get Stepfather factory and tons of other difficult movement in the shortest amount of time of anyone makes me wanna punch something pretty. This cast KICKS ASS. I wanna pee a little EVERYTIME THEY HIT THE MOVEMENT.

I hope they understand the privelege. We are priveleged to take the stage and weep, laugh, scream, rage, fight-- all in public view without fear of humiliation. If we fail at our own hand we can change the mind with the same tool. We can shift peoples opinions by being the people on stage we fear being in public or, even worse, the people we create in public to mask our fear. There is nothing on stage but a naked soul when theater is at it's best. at its worse indication tells the story. Let us hope they have found theirs.

I cannot lie: I am petrified. Petrified of being a failure. Petrified that the doubts I feel in myself are more than being overly critical. Petrified that I have worked the dancers too hard. I can do nothing. They say a bad dress rehearsal means a great opening night. What does a good dress rehearsal mean? This is a tiring show and the movement works wonderfully when they trust what I see in them. It topples like the end of a jenga game when they look for the net below. I just hate cutting it from under myself.

When we started the show it was delightful. Tiger Prawn was successful aand people were ready. then time creaped up. We all had things to do. People started whispering my patience grew thin. We crunched they worked through exhaustion many times and often leaving with blank stares (like tonight). I masked my frustration pretty well, I think... Hope. Then, somewhere, I saw it. tell somebody they're not mad enough for you and they'll get mad at YOU. How awesome is that? How interesting that something that started out as delightful and refreshing quickly went to places no one expected to go. The TITLE WORKS!! I just didn't see such a huge part of the journey being mine. It has been an interesting year for me as an artist.

I am many things: young, naive, bitter, tired, driven, slightly compulsive, pig-headed, profane, obsessive, fastidious, perverse at times, isolated, moody, absent-minded. So be it. To the dancers and the audience who gave blood and sweat and money, respectively: Welcome to a small compartment of my brain. I RELUCTANTLY give it to you unsure of it's stability and promise. This is the end of my first trip. It was a... fun journey with many wrong turns. Hopefully the directions I'm leaving you are clear.

Dancers and Dancergoers:
Good Night and Enjoy the Show

Deep Purple

Anger about what women will do to a man (and, obviously, how it effects this show!)

So, we're a week out!!! I am nervous as hell. there is still so much to do. We ran the show (most of it, that is) tonight and it looks good. It WILL BE GORGEOUS!! I know that now. My tolerance and patience and energy is low but it always is. Saturday will be extrremely fruitful. My back doesn't hurt anymore. I through it out doing a simple demonstrative forward roll while rehearsing with Vivian and have been popping Vicatin ever since. Things are rough right now. The costume situation is killing me. Nic and Corrie aren't talking... AGAIN. Marissa keeps pushing my buttons... big woop. Dice calls me too much; Mark is on some weird vegetarian trip (if god didn't want us to eat animals, then everything good wouldn't taste like chicken); and I can barely feel my legs at time. Also, no tech period would be complete without the puking coming back. I also can barely see the show anymore. Ihave gone through this stuff so many times that it all looks like a simple, simple piece. I hate not seeing the big picture like a audience member. After all, that's my job right?

Clearly, this super

super short

rehearsal period is effecting everyone.

who cares?!

let's just get this work done so I can sleep a nd watch football in november. I know that the first part of this blog is boring. If you want to read the drunken, ill-structured rants you should read the end of it.

Wish List:
-Everybody shut the hell up
-That people show up to work like it's work!!
-To not be so self-concious
-to have one good night of sfga;hhhhhhhklllllllllllllll (sorry: fell asleep again)
-a damn assistant

tells to be done to articulate,

Number 1: Women are ridiculously beautiful.

We all know this is true. Whether you be straight, gay, bisexual, a eunuch, one must appreciate the female form. Why does this become a problem in DDT, you ask? Because there is so much more to beauty than the aesthetic value of the physical form. This is a show about aggression. I am still not seeing it. Clearly, dance crash has been built on the strength of its men and rightfully so, but the women we have now are captivating. it is insanely frustrating to not see the attack, though. Saw glimpses from Laura today which has been missing for quite a while. I can only imagine how wonderful she would be at this point if she didn't wait so long to show it.

Number 2: Women are ridiculously skilled at making question my own decisions and perceptions on life

Why the hell is it so hard to be confident around them? I spent the last several hours with the male staff just pondering the universe and the consistent topic was chicks.

Where the hell am I???

There is nothing like a woman ever so delicately suggesting that the choice you have made might not be the best and the highlight of the exchange is the freakishly short amount of time it takes to reevaluate every choice you've made since the last time you went through a drive-thru. This show is meant to reallly highlight that. Will we accomplish the mammoth task of changing people's perceptions on dance? No. Can we potentially change their perceptions on dancers? Perhaps. I feel that an important notion to comfront is the idea that women are ALWAYS soft. NOT TRUE!! We are definitely going to show a harder edge from the women if I have to kill myself to get it out of them.


Okay,
I have more to say but this blog is too long. 7 days!!

Peace
Kyle

Weeks out...

So,
Marissa sent me an email this weekend about blog content. I understand people want juicy tidbits about the process and dancers and I have been repeatedly nudged by my staff to make it "juicier" or "crunchier" or "fruitier" or "more like yogurt". Forgive me if rehearsal doesn't interest you. All of my dancers should be reading this blog and many of them do. This is why I do not put up juicy secrets about what happens at rehearsal. Also: I have been working with these people so often it's hard to keep track of my moodswings. I will say this: I am getting sick of this fucking marketing tool. I would love to entertain with this blog after a full days work and no sleep (not for any particular reason; I just don't sleep very much). I wish i could spin a wonderful yarn about the magical things that happen in a day's rehearsal but it would look like this.

"....we reviewed;
I came up with some new choreography;
I forgot said choreography;
Someone remebered parts;
A dancer gave me attitude;
I offended someone; we moved on;
Maybe we recorded it;
Maybe i ate afterwardoijjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj (that's me falling asleep at the keyboard)...."

I would love to say which dancer is greatest...

"jessica reminded me what i ate for dinner on sunday and the counts on which i chewed!" (steamy!)
"Brian said something funny about pop-culture that went over my head!" (ooh la la)
"Laura wore a baggy shirt and lifted her leg really high!" (juicy)
"Sarah looked at me funny while she was doing a body roll and i got a chill!" (enquiring minds want to know!)
"I have athletes foot and ate a bagel sandwich" (Oh, you cad!)
Look, I know these dancers well and me telling you about them is fun and all but my appreciation for them will always be higher than yours so forgive me if I don't wish to do them a disservice by explaining the mundane quality of rehearsing.

Dice suggested i should add some fun stuff. well, her're a picture:
http://www.cat-urine.net/images/wallpapers/kitten_wallpaper9_800x600.jpg
ooooooooooooooh!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! Awn!!

This is my wishlist:
Finiish the show
You can come to any lllllllllllllllllllrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
everybody stop giving me blog suggestions.
I want to make the show hotter and damnit if that doesn't take some semblance of top priority.
I seriously want to stop falling asleep at the the keyboard. It's happened 4 times while I've bee writing this one you reading right now.
PLEASE STOP GIVING ME ADVICE ABOUT DOING THIS BLOG.

TWO WEEKS TO SHOWTIMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
sO EXHAUSTED.

here's another picture to show the creative people.
I gotta go to sleep.

One last juicy event: Johnny Mo is pregnant... And I'm the father.!!

Finally edited the song for the women's piece. It's gonna be hot. Sarah and Jessica work fairly well together so finishing that piece was super smooth.

pEACE

Oh *BLOG*, It's October!!

So damn!! The Month of my reckoning is here. The show is incredibly disjointed at this point!! It's incredibly stressful at this point: putting a show together after two months of rehearsal time (at least half of the dance norm, considering this is an almost completely new work, save for TOJ, which isn't finished.) We keep knocking out more and more choreography which has not helped anyone's brain power. I can't remember anything anyway so piling more and more choreography into my head is certainly not helping me to remember old stuff. Damn, I don't even know where my keys are.

-We finally got a decent costume fitting in today. Got shirts on everyone but Vivian's costume steals the show. The vest is super tight but super cute. Can't wait to see it come together. We're waiting to see about the shoe Hook-up I'm trying to get.
-Gotta finish editing that second act tomorrow (when? I don't know.)
-Also met with Nicky on monday. definitely on the same page and talked about the lighting for Stepfather Factory which will be a little crazy... then again the whole show is crazy. Nick's trying to get us some strobes.
-gonna put the finishing strokes on Act One this saturday. Can't wait. it's all finishing touches and transitions that are killing me right now.
-so tired.
-We've been spending a lot of time on Telemundo and raspberry fields recently and they are definitely looking good. gonna be sick as hell. The girls look fierce. let's hope we can keep it together. and make some magic finally happen after collecting all these reall fancy cuffs and tails and stuffing rabits in our top hats.
-PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ON THIS BLOG AND ASK ME FOR INFO. I might actually respond!!!!!!!!

-Sorry if these are getting boring. just need to keep plugging away. It's definitely not a romantic point of the process right now. Deadlines always loom large and we are alway behind schedule. It is the nature of the beast. gotta start plugging my solo into the mix next week. gonna be an INSANE show.

-Did an interview with Debbie Goldgaber from NewCity Chicago. Should be a good right up. Look for it in the next two weeks. gonna be hot!!


Going to go to "bed". can't really call it that since it is loaded with clothing and boxes from moving this weekend. See Y'all tomorrow at KTF!!

pEACE